Sea Healing

A wild unruly coastline --
Waves march in ordered sequence
to end in joyous explosions of spray.
Sand etched daintily by the feet of gulls
shivers from the orgasmic thud of surf.
Jagged chins of rock jut defiantly,
tearing fog into grey rags.

Windblown pines,
arthritic sentinels of the shore,
guard its secrets from the sea's
unrelenting inquiries
and sigh in conspiratorial whispers
like bewhiskered old men retelling
oft-told tales.

Stepping lightly,
I walk down long logs
hoping an agate will wink at me.
My hair is salted by the wind.
Eyes down,
I wait for God.

Clothing My Heart

Why does my heart ache?
I seek to understand the hollow in my chest,
Trying on labels like clothes.
Regret?
Loneliness?
Disconnection?
Rejection?
Sorrow?
Weltschmerz (how chic!)?
I look in the mirror:
none seem to fit.
Too pat,
Too patterned,
Too tight,
Too loose,
Too long,
Too ludicrous.
All costumes,
clown suits,
chimeras.
What's the naked truth?
Do I need to peel off my skin
to see inside my soul?
Will I find layers of lies?
Am I the layer or the laid?
The liar?
I will learn to love this,
my many-layered self.

(Be)Longing

I want my old self back.
The one that plunged deep into dreams,
careless of consequences.
The one that embraced love fearlessly,
giving without hesitation --
no thought to wherewithal's or whither's,
no fingers surreptitiously counting entries
on some karmic balance sheet.

A self that drank in the sea,
saw horizons beckoning,
smelled the sweetness of salt
on sun-drenched skin --
never imagining the susurration of waves
could whisper a language of loss,
the melding of blue into blue
at the edge of the world
signal annihilation, not exhilaration.

I want the wand that wreaked
this spell on my perspective,
transforming desire into drudgery,
the glitter of the unknown
to a haze of arbitrary choices.
The spell that stole my faith in Meaning,
reducing it to a word with seven letters --
as random as a cloud of ashes
puffed by a gust of wind.

I'll wave it in reverse --
Not reliving, but relieving!
Releasing my heart from its suspension
in futility, like a bubble of foam
so I can run once again with the waves,
build castles in sand,
be aware of the incoming tide and not caring.
Simply focusing on creation and delight!

Perspective Shift

Today my world view shifted.
I looked out a window whose shades have been drawn.
I've likened life to a ladder,
Stepping on rungs of the present
That rest on the foundation of past experience
To ascend (note the connotation of "progress")
To the future.
An upward journey.
To repeat experiences is failure.
Like the game of Chutes and Ladders.
That's the image I've sculpted,
The script I have written.
By that standard, I feel like a loser.
I've barely climbed out of the slime!
This was a day I drew back the curtains
And saw an ocean, no ladder.
A heap of equal potentials.
No hierarchy.
No up = success or down = failure.
Just movement like breath,
Stirring waves of awareness.
Gently lifting dross to the surface.
Letting light play with it
Wind stir it.
The rhythm of the tides shift it.
And then awareness subsides for a while.
Something new arises.
Life isn't a series of steps!
Life is waves!
This was a day I jumped off the ladder
Into the water.
Abandoned judgement and effort,
Linear seeking,
The journey of Will.
This was a day to be one with the ocean,
To wash up on the beach
Exposing new pebbles,
Be warmed by the sun.
Then slowly be drawn, somewhat changed,
Back to Source.
Mix with the wisdom of the deep,
Recharge and be lifted
To pound against rocks
Or caress the sand again.
I'm awash in acceptance, surrender, cyclic sea change.
I'm always supported.
There's nowhere to fall.
The breathing of the ocean has transformed the earth.
Slow but relentless,
Powerful, gentle.
Atoms of shapeless water
Lap cliffs into sand
Erode calcified thinking
Slowly exposing beauty,
Bringing agates to light.

Valentine's Day

This was a day my Libra was strong
Not nicely balanced or even-keeled,
But tipping this way then that.
This was a day I made lots of cards
Felt focused and artful.
But after I finished
My critic took over,
Casually commenting,
"They're really quite awful!"
This was a day of cats yowling loudly
Fiona, the sneak, was behaving quite badly.
This was a heart day.
I forgot all about it.
No one reminded me.  :-(
This was a day I saw the first robin,
Goldfinches beginning to glow.
Two flickers flirting.
Spring's really coming!
This was a day I wanted some company,
Longed for connection,
Reveled in solitude,
Wished it would snow.
02/14/2016

My Mother

Today my heart broke open
A rose opening with such an ache of magnanimity
that its petals spilled into tears.
Today my love for my mother ran pure
Unadulterated by
Resistance
Judgment
Resentment.
Today I looked into the mirror of my ancestors and saw strength;
A gift, not a curse.
Fine clay to shape and transform,
Not mud to be cast aside as worthless,
Wishing I were something different.
Today my heart unfolded like a lotus,
Revealing the true essence of my mother
And her mother
And her mother before her --
Like matryoshka dolls.
Today I was grateful to be part of that feminine lineage.
Today my mother held me in a glow of unconditional love.
Letting go of all the weighty trappings I had
Placed upon her memory
Has set me free to love myself.
02/03/16

Marx's Tomb

Today was a day of fingers dancing
on keyboard letters
Slow waltzes spinning numbers into spreadsheets
Then tapping lightly as Inspiration
transported them, shaping stories in NETMA.
Today I wrote well if I say so myself.
Today I laughed a lot.
Today I was dumbfounded by ignorance:
Is Marx's tomb a communist plot?
That is a grave question indeed!
Today was a day I felt strong;
connected to Earth.
I could feel its currents like subtle caresses.
Today I liked being alive.
Today as I drove home, orange clouds tinged with pink
glowed in the West, pregnant with snow.
Today I was grateful I stayed late at work
just so I could watch the sky.